How To Identify Problems in Your Relationship

Before you can choose the proper persuasion techniques in your relationship, you will need to consider what you want to change and what is causing the problem in the first place. Sometimes it’s not as simple as wanting something to change, you need to know what you’re up against.

What’s happened to you?

A lot of couples can undergo relationship troubles when there’s been a significant event that has affected them. The death of a family member, a pet, health problems, legal troubles, drug problems, and mental issues can all contribute to problems in a relationship when they’re not sufficiently handled. Take the time to inventory your past few months to see what may have been the trigger for the problems that you’re having right now. Think about the time frame of the problems that you are facing. Has it been a recent thing or have you been having troubles for a longer period of time?

What’s going on?

Having problems is so vague that you might want to sit down and really define what has changed for you in your relationship. Instead of saying that things aren’t good or that you wish things were better, what is happening right now that isn’t something that you like? Are you talking less? Are you seeing each other less? Is one partner abusive? Try to figure out the action that is causing stress in your relationship so that you have a focal point for further discussions.

This isn’t just about you

While you’re at it, you need to start asking your partner as well what they think the problem is. Sometimes you need that outside perspective in order to get a handle on the direction that you need to go in. Try to approach your partner not from the perspective of blame, but rather from the viewpoint that you want to make things better. This is not the time to say that someone is wrong, but that you want to figure out what is making you both unhappy.

Deciding that you’re the only one in the relationship whose opinion matters is an easy way to cause more problems – even when you don’t actually think that. Your partner does not want you to attack them for things that have happened and it can feel like an attack when you’re the only one doing the talking. You need to take the time to listen to your partner and really come to an understanding about what they need from you.

And what if your partner doesn’t think anything is wrong?

An interesting situation that you might find yourself in is when your partner decides and answers that nothing is wrong. And what do you do then? When your partner is obviously unhappy – distant, avoiding you, etc. – you will want to approach him or her differently. Sometimes making a date to talk and to figure out what you’re not happy will be all the impetus for your partner to start revealing what’s going on in their head.

They need to feel like you aren’t going to attack them for having problems with your relationship, so make sure that you allow them to have whatever feelings they have without saying that they are wrong. What you want to do is tell them that you’re genuinely interested in making your relationship better and that by finding out what they think, you’ll be able to make them happy as well.

When you have figured it out

It can take time to really determine what the real problems in a relationship are, but once you do, you need to take action immediately. This could come in the form of discussing each other’s needs and what solutions they might propose as well as sitting with your own feelings to see what solutions you might have for the other person. It all comes down to communicating with each other and seeing what the relationship needs to become stronger.

Some couples find that talking works well to solve problems, while others like to write down their feelings and then share them. Whatever seems to allow you both to express your feelings honestly and accurately – do that. What’s great about relationship problems is that most of them can be solved with a little patience and a lot of talking. You just need to get started.

About The Author
Cucan Pemo
Relationship Tips - Relationship Advice - Relationship Help
http://www.retrievealover.com/home.htm
Hidden Persuasion Secrets In Relationships: How to command attention, change Minds, influence people, and get what you want in life and Love. Thousands of satisfied readers cannot go wrong!

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4 Simple Tips To Save Your Marriage

Is your marriage in trouble? No matter how bad,
there’s always hope and ways to turn your situation
around. Here are five common ways to help create a
better, more loving and harmonious relationship
with your wife.


1. Handle arguments differently

Every marriage and relationship has arguments, but
it's how you handle them that's most important. At
Junior High School, I said 'no' to drugs. At my
wedding altar, I said 'no' to fighting. Nancy
Reagan's "Just Say No" anti-drug campaign was a
huge success. Kids made a verbal commitment and a
mental stance to avoid drugs before they were even
of the age to be tempted. When they were introduced
to drugs, they knew they could "just say no" and
not feel alone. Fighting is NOT harmless. It’s
addictive and, if continued, is likely to cause
irreparable damage. Certainly there are times when
emotions get wrinkled, and the natural inclination
is to blow your top. I sometimes have to bite my
tongue so I don't say something I would regret
later (since when is self-control a bad thing?)
Having a naturally calm personality has admittedly
made it easier for me to think before I speak than
it is for some people. But that shouldn't stop
anyone from trying.


2. Turn gossip and bashing into praise

No one's perfect. When the guys get together and
the conversation turns to complaining about “what
their wives do,” or wife bashing in general, refuse
to participate. It shows that you respect and value
your wife. Instead, when a "gripe session" gets
going, make it a point to start sharing some of her
good qualities. Usually, this alone will steer the
conversation into a positive direction and help
your friends to also praise their wives -- which in
turn helps them to respect and appreciate them more
too. Knowing that my wife refuses to belittle me in
front of friends makes me love and respect her even
more.


3. Change your routine of life

After a few months or years, most couples get into
a comfortable pattern where they always do the same
things. Same dinner / movie dates, same sexual
routine and same behaviors. You can rekindle some
of that magic and keep your marriage exciting by
simply paying attention to these three important
areas:

1. Go on creative dates - agree to go out and do
something you've never done before once every week,
fortnight or month. It doesn't really matter what
you do, but it's important to commit and do this
constantly. Want some ideas? Go to a winery,
museum, art gallery, carnival, the beach, or have a
picnic in a park.
2. Spice things up under the sheets - try a new
position, technique or location. Wear some nice
lingerie or introduce some new toys into the
bedroom.
3. Change up the norm - buy her a gift just to say
“I love you," give her a nice massage, set up a
scavenger hunt that shows how much you care about
her with a gift at the end.


4. Face your money issues and debts

One of the biggest problems facing couples today is
the huge amount of debt they bring into their
marriage. Not only are there more divorces, couples
are calling it quits much earlier in their marriage
than ever before. Here are some ideas to get your
debt and money issues under control.

1. Sit down and prioritize all aspects of your
family budget together. Only when you analyze your
spending habits will you fully realize where you
are wasting money. It’s a great opportunity to talk
about your goals and dreams.
2. Realize that frivolously spending money can be a
sign of disrespect for your marriage and mate.
3. If you would like a bigger diamond ring or a
fancier car, ask yourself why.
4. Take a quick inventory of all the items you own
but could really live without. Consider how much
you paid for them. What if you didn't buy those
items and had all that money in savings instead?
Would it make a difference in how you view your
job, your family and your future?

So there you have it. 4 ways to turn your marriage
down a positive road. No one said mending a
marriage would be easy. It takes time, effort and
persistence. Good luck.

About the Author:

Michael Webb's latest book, "Getting Her Back… For
Good" provides you with a solid plan to get your
ex-wife back, help heal your marriage and even
prevent a divorce. For all the details, visit
Michael Webb's information site on simple relationships dating tips